I can honestly say that I have not had this difficult of a week in a really long time - maybe ever. Days packed with Eli having 102 fever, two trips to the pediatrician for him with big shots, a busy work event, me getting sick with the crazy allergies turned infection turned pink eye, and a trip for Noelie to get stitches after a large piece of glass going into her little foot - it would be enough to drive me crazy on it's own merit.
But this week was preceded with the entire family making a trip to Orange to visit family, and when visiting my Maw Maw Sanders, I realized her health had declined tremendously since our last visit and she was saying good bye. She was hard to understand when she spoke so we all had to get really close to hear her and she touched each of our faces. I wiped one of her tears. I knew the end was near and her long battle of declining health - most recently a broken foot from a fall - was getting ready to lend it's way to a place of peace, rest, and rejoining as she and my Paw Paw were getting ready to have each other again.
So when the phone rang early Sunday morning as we were getting ready for church, I knew before Jason even answered. I think we all knew. And Wednesday we said our final good byes and let her go to her new home. She went peacefully in her sleep and the pain and struggle that crossed her face, that made her shed those tears to be wiped away, was lifted in an instant.
I think all of us had our ups and downs with her the older and more 'specific' she got in her "requests". Let's just say we should've invested in personally engraved glider furniture movers. But there are so many good times to remember.
She was good at taking care of people she loved. I grew up having lunch at her house every single Sunday after church. We'd all go, every Sunday. And we never, ever left hungry! She was raised in a small town in Louisiana and had some cajun cooking skills like none other. She and my Paw Paw were attached at the hip. She liked to be needed and he needed help! It was a pretty good fit. "Toot, I need some more rice..." and she'd get up and get it and he'd look at her with all the love of a well fed, happy man. To be honest, for the longest it kind of angered me. The thought of waiting on a man hand and foot. But you know what, it worked for them and they were married over 50 years. What do I know? And somehow I had forgotten what a good looking couple they were back in the day. I sifted through boxes and boxes of old pictures for the service and out of all of them only found two pictures of her on her own. Every single other picture was of them side by side.
Losing her was also like losing him all over again. I think she still being here was like still having a piece of him as well, since they were so much a part of each other. If the order were reversed, he wouldn't have lasted a day on earth without her in my opinion.
One of many funny facts she always, ALWAYS had to give him rice with his meal. No exceptions!
When I was little I was a picky eater but LOVED Spaghettios. Well, they had to have me stay over for the night and mom had said to them "as long as you have some Spaghettios on hand as back up, she'll eat something." These were days where I was tall and lanky and it would've hurt if I missed a meal - I certainly wasn't going to be able to go hungry on her watch. Anyway, here comes dinner time and being predictably difficult, I didn't want what was for dinner so she pranced in there and started heating up the Spaghettios. I could smell it cooking... they have a VERY distinct smell. I couldn't wait it smelled so good - Spaghettios cooked on a gas stove. That was a new twist for me. Then she puts the plate in front of me and there are my scrumptious Spaghettios OVER RICE! It was the look and feeling of shock and disbelief as if someone had just told me there was no more Santa. I tried to be polite as I carefully picked every single grain of rice out of the middle of every single 'O' because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and complain. And keep in mind, this is all taking place while I have my hair 'setting' in sponge rollers and I am wearing one of her mu mus. I sight to behold!
All and all, this week has taught me a lot of things about relationships and the things that matter most - and the things that are out of our control that are not worth the waste of energy and drama. And a lot about courage - the courage of my 17-yr-old cousin to give her eulogy. The courage I could never find in any fiber of my being to be able to articulate through such raw emotion. It's taken me two days to get through this one blog. If I had to get up there and speak, we'd still be there.
It has been tough trying to answer questions to a very observant child who is almost five. I almost envy the naivety she gets to have for something like this. Anyone who has had to go through this with a child, knows the kind of questions and comments - and somehow in my many lackluster attempts to sort it out for her she thinks we're getting a new dog but doesn't get that Maw Maw isn't going to magically wake up like Sleeping Beauty - so much for my parenting.
Tuesday, as visitation was ending, the immediate family was still gathered while the video played pictures of happy times and good memories flooded the screen to softly playing music. Noelie began to do a little ballet routine... really getting into it, right there in the funeral home. Edna would have gotten such a kick out of seeing that! She always got such a kick out of us grandkids and the great grandchildren, well, they could do no wrong! Not just a "that's nice" half giggle with a forced golf clap but a throw her head back slap the knee kind of delight. I'm sure that dance did just that for her... and I know she's in a place where there is no longer suffering holding her back from she and TJ taking a little twirl again of their own.
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